I think it's time to finally reveal the million dollar tip. Close your eyes and imagine fireworks, bright colored party balloons falling to the ground, circus ponies prancing, and disco balls strobing.  Good.  I now have your full attention. This is big and could be you saving grace from ever receiving a DUI. We have discussed at length how alcohol is made, the fermentation process and most importantly, how it is flavored.  If you don't know this, you need to keep reading my previous posts so you fully understand what I am talking about.  The minute an officer steps up to your driver's side window, they will use their nose to detect the ODOR of alcohol.  If they smell alcohol, this is close to the best day of fishing on the Kenai river. To clarify, for law enforcement, not for you.  The hook is set and you are about to be pulled out of your vehicle for field sobriety testing. Clearly, the goal is to not be placed in a position where the officer believes that you may be impaired and asked to exit the vehicle.   You want to always remain behind the wheel during an investigation.  We have already established the significance of alcohol odor.  What's our objective?  To mask odor.  Mints, gum, mouthwash, pennies, six month-old Doritos left on the passenger side floor won't work.  What does?  Something must get into your digestive track to mask the odor of alcohol that is coming through your mouth.  The best masking agent for alcohol are peanuts.  The greasier the better. Get a couple bags of shelled whole peanuts and munch them down and wait.  Do not hold keys in your hands, do not get near your car.  Wait.  Why?  The peanuts are getting into your digestive tract.  When you taste peanuts and can smell them on your breath after blowing into your hand, you should be good to go.  Now, I am not professing that you drive while impaired.  This is when you call for an Uber or Lyft to pick your drunk ass up from the bar.  I am speaking about drinking responsibly but not placing all your faith in Alaska's "certified breath machines."  So, if you had a couple of regular sized beers, full belly, mow down the peanuts that you have carefully placed in your pocket or purse.  Even better, eat peanuts while having your beers.  So you are now the hero of this story.  If you are pulled over, and the officer in passing thinks he has captured the odor of alcohol and is unsure because the peanuts are doing their job, but in an abundance of caution, decides to ask you if you have been drinking alcohol, you respond, NO.  Do you hear me?  NO.  NO.  AND NO.  Never admit to "just one" a "couple", a "few".  NONE.  NO OFFICER, I HAVE NOT HAD ANY ALCOHOL.